Wednesday, October 23, 2013

These days

These days I find myself opening up to the world more. Letting myself be vulnerable to what is out there and exploring the world through the lenses of the internet (when I am stuck in the office) or observing the daily happenings around the city.  I've always really enjoyed getting older. I feel like my mind is opening up a little more, I'm a little less ideal and a little more realistic. But with all of this comes the need to accept what I can't control. What is up to the universe to decide. And I hate it some days. I hate that I can't stop someone from getting cancer. I can't bring back the people I've lost and I can't stop loving the people I some times shouldn't. I always thought that letting go was easy, but it isn't when you just want that person/ thing/ animal/ t-shirt/ favorite pair of sneakers back in your life.  These days it's a person, but some times it's a place and time I want back. Even if just for a minute. What if it all worked out like we had planned. What if we never gave up and instead we gave in to each other? Would we still be 'we' and not you and me?

I wouldn't take back the past 12 months of my life if I was paid to. They have been the most painful, heart wrenching, laughable, encouragable, and educational 12 months of my life and this I am thankful for. I am thankful for every reminder to keep moving forward, keep fighting for what I want in life, and for not giving up when I wanted to the most. I have so much gratitude to the universe for everything that has happened in my life. For every step I've taken to keep this ball rolling.

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